Justin Delgado is husband to Kacie Doyle-Delgado, diagnosed at age 11. After more than a decade together, he considers himself to be an expert carb counter and Dexcom inserter. He graduated with his Master of Science in Finance from the University of Utah in 2013 and has been working in commercial banking since then. He attended his first Friends for Life conference in 2015 and is looking forward to volunteering with the teens.
November 6, 2000
Other Social Issues
Question from Spartanburg, South Carolina, USA:
I have two daughters with diabetes and am going through a custody battle. My ex-husband is using their diabetes as a weapon. I use a carb to insulin ratio and follow the doctors orders, but he still gets better levels. I notice that on the transition day that their levels bounce around. The girls show great anxiety about returning to their father's house as he has a very bad temper, and they are afraid of his anger (he punishes the older one for high sugar levels). He has been told that he over-controls their diabetes. I have not been told that I under-control. I don't understand why what works at one house will not work at another. My girls have expressed a great desire to live with me. I am very concerned about the psychological effects that this has on them. They feel bad enough having diabetes. I can't even imagine how they must feel knowing that it is keeping them from me. My oldest daughter has threatened to kill herself if I lose. Are there any documents that I can research to help my case? My ex-husband has a huge financial advantage. We have a doctor that says over-control is better, but has also told me that I am doing an excellent job. When all this is over, I need my girls to know that they are not to blame. I have told them very little about the case but, they still know too much.
You raise extremely emotional and difficult questions that I am not sure I can fully answer. However, I do believe you should begin with the following:
Try to hook-up with pediatric experts in diabetes, preferably someone who is a mental health professional and a certified diabetes educator, to look at your case.
Try to have the courts mandate a custody evaluation. The person who would do such an evaluation will be paid for by the courts, so it will be an independent evaluation, where you, your ex-husband and your children will be evaluated.
Your children need a lawyer whose job is only to advocate for their best interests. This is called a guardian ad litum, and these folks are hired by the court.